5:00 a.m. After dreaming of emptying my bladder for several hours (it seems), I finally get out of bed to use the bathroom. Return to bed to find toddler sprawled across the bed. Go back to sleep on a sliver of mattress.
7:30 a.m. Wake up to coffee already made. Having a timer on the coffee maker is almost like having a butler. Almost.
7:45 a.m. Toddler's diaper leaked on bed. Strip bed. I wash the sheets for the second day in a row. This happened yesterday, too.
8:00 a.m. Let toddler run amok for a little while.
9:00 a.m. Toddler's date with Caillou. Toddler will finally sit still for breakfast. I'm hungry for lunch already. Eat leftovers.
9:30 a.m. Finish cleaning stove, a project started the previous afternoon. It really is a two-day job.
9:55 a.m. Enjoy the aroma of a pumpkin-scented candle. Hold toddler's hair back as she sings "Happy Birthday" and blows out said candle.
10:00 a.m. Clean back deck, cursing the mess.
10:30 a.m. Light candle again. Hope toddler doesn't notice.
10:45 a.m. Start some ironing in preparation for a trip out-of-town.
11:30 a.m. Lunch. Grilled cheese and strawberries. Brownie just because.
12:00 p.m. Decide to wash linens on "guest bed." Said guest bed is toddler's top bunk mattress on the floor of our "office." No one has slept in the guest bed but the dog. Nonetheless, I'd like to make the bed but sheets are dirty and blanket is clean. The blanket needed to be washed because a week prior the toddler played outside in the dirt and ran inside and jumped on the bed.
12:15 p.m. Make note to self: finish building toddler's bunk beds, preferably before the new baby arrives.
12:30 p.m. Toddler wants to blow out delicious-smelling pumpkin candle. Hold toddler's hair back as she sings "Happy Birthday" and blows out said candle. Sneak back to candle and relight.
12:45 p.m. Feeling ambitious and on a roll with all the laundry and ironing, I decide that the hubby's shirts aren't going to wash/iron themselves.
1:00 p.m. Formerly diapered naked poopy toddler runs into the house. Tell naked poopy toddler to freeze while poopy diaper is located in the backyard. Expensive poopy cloth diaper is located without any damage done by the dog.
1:30 p.m. Talk to girlfriend in Texas for 20 minutes while listening to "Let me talk to Grandma! Let me talk to Grandma!" in the background.
2:00 p.m. Toddler discovers that the aromatic pumpkin candle is lit and wants to blow it out. Hold toddler's hair back as she sings "Happy Birthday" and blows out said candle. Give up on candle.
2:30 p.m. Naked toddler wants to paint. Naked toddler paints self. It's okay, bath has already been filled in anticipation of toddler painting self.
3:00 p.m. Aah, Caillou is on.
3:15 p.m. Clean poop off of toddler's shoes.
3:30 p.m. Resume ironing.
4:00 p.m. Still ironing.
4:15 p.m. Eek! Naked toddler in the freshly-made guest bed! Office is off-limits to dogs and two-year-olds.
4:30 p.m. Start dinner. Quiche. Naked toddler wants to help. "No, no, no! Away from the stove! Don't touch the eggs! Why don't you play outside?"
4:45 p.m. Dinner is in the oven. Continue ironing.
5:30 p.m. Ironing is done. Dinner is done. Wait for hubby to get home to eat.
6:00 p.m. Hubby is home. Eat dinner. Tell naked toddler that she needs to eat her dinner. "You helped make this. Don't you want to try it? Quiche is made from eggs. You love eggs."
6:15 p.m. Naked toddler still won't eat her dinner. "What do you want? Apples and peanut butter? Fine." Prepare apples and peanut butter for naked toddler. Naked toddler ignores apples and eats peanut butter with her fingers. Prepare bath #2 of the day.
6:30 p.m. Realize that I am still in my pajamas.
6:35 p.m. Hubby straightens up (Thank you, dear!). Adds laundry to my post-laundry-marathon empty hamper.
7:00 p.m. I am ready for bed. Luckily I am already in my pajamas.